Done done done
Dec. 13th, 2005 10:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bethlakshmiSo... still done with my master's. :) The final went *OK*. There were some answers I guessed at, educated guesses, but still guesses. My estimation - out of 6 problems, 3 of them I knew the answer, solidly. 3 of them involved some guesswork. In those three, the problems were ususally broken into 3 or more parts, of which 1 part was usually very much guessing, 1 part was less guesswork, and 1 part I actually knew. So... I can figure:
- 50% - full credit
- 50% - guessing:
- 25% I knew
- 25% I guessed at
Assuming some of my guesses are right or right enough to get partial credit, it's at least a B. A B on the final still spells an A in the course.
I'm not actually worried. My project was rock solid. My other grades are fabulous. And I suspect that if I bombed bigtime, so did everyone else, and he'll have to rethink his grading system. :) No... not hubris, just fact.
Had a lovely champagne surprise from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
new_man and an unexpected compliment about my dancing from my director. Yes, the two are the same person, but new_man-my-boyfiend, and Scratch-my-director might as well be two different people. Our relationship works better when I think of them that way - getting critique on wiggling your butt, and shaking your ta-tas from your boyfriend is hard to take. But getting it from your Burlesque troop director is entirely appropriate and should be encouraged and expected.
I'm not sure which tasted better - the champagne or the compliment. It's funny how a simple little thing can make all the difference.
And it was damn good champagne, too!
Anyway, I got a compliment from Scratch and was touched. I don't often hear the compliments - whether or not they are present, I think we are both more focused on what needs improvement, as that's where the energy needs to go. He seemed surprised I was so touched, but the truth is that it's one thing to have the ego to go out there and be as cute as a button while happily shedding clothing. It's another thing to have your director give you a compliment.
Hopefully the two things - self-esteem, and knowledge of self-worth to others - will build each other up in a postive spiral, but they don't supplant one another. Self-confidence is a hard quest, and one that a person has to find on their own. No matter how many compliments you get, if you don't like yourself, it won't matter. And many times, an artist only gets better when she is her own harshest critic. So it's a strange balancing act between having the ego to go out there and strut your stuff, and the lack of ego to take direction and constantly strive for improvement. No wonder people usually err on one side or the other.
Reminds me of the dicussions on good performance arts going around - like "what makes a good dancer?" and "how do we encourage good performance in the SCA?" - while there's things we can look at from the outside in how we judge and encourage other performers, there's an internal mindset that all the external stimulus in the world will not necessarily achieve. That dreadful balance of self-esteem. I takes a Yoda-like Zen master to really get someone there, IMO.
With a lovely evening behind me, I got up this morning to practice. Oy. This would be the "lack of ego & willingness to strive for improvement" part of the day. :) If practice is all about sucking in private to avoid sucking in public, then I definitely fulfilled my mission.
It's a good think Aparna just postponed to the weekend. It gives me a few days to beat my peices back into shape. I was making really stupid mistakes on Pushpanjali and my current abhinaya peice was on a tape in my car. And my memorization of that has continued to be exceedinly weak. I finished the Pushpanjali not only out of breath, but with that burning gasping that really hurts. I know some of it is the cold and snow we have here in Boston. But some of it is being out of practice, the room was plenty warm.
Moved on to Baby Dolls practice, as the gig comes on Thursday. I think my clothing for Let it Snow has conspired to drive me mad. Each run had a problem with a different peice of clothing, making me late for the ending. Ending with just one glove on is no good. Must practice over and over to get used to the new cot, clothing, blanket and everything. Grrr...
Comparatively, Frosty went better. Still need to fix up the bikini top, but mostly the right stuff happened at the right time. Current goal - do it all with that happy, but slightly mindless "I'm having the bestest time, ever!" face on. Yeah... considering that I just finished writing a fake operating system, you may find it ridiculous that I am cultivating an expression this vapid. But for the background dance sets, I don't want to be so expressive that I detract from the soloist at the time. For my own solos, the facial expression naturally changes to something a bit more personable. I just need to make sure that my default face is not my thinky face.
Dance tonight with Ms. Jezebel! Whee! Aparna on Friday or Saturday. Hair cut on Saturday! Wednesday is King Kong.
I know it has only been 4 months since my last school break, but this is different. The idea that I'm not ditching out on school and homework to go have fun, or do a performance is SO COOL. It was downright decadent to fill the backpack with a fun-reading book, a sash for dance class, a notebook of dance moves, and a tape for recording Aparna. No textbook, no blank notebook for making notes. Today I will eat lunch and read my book and not feel the slightest bit guiltly for reading a fun book, instead of a homework book.
And the Amazon.com order came in! Rachel Brice dance & yoga, gnostic philosophy and Japanses fiction - here I come! Tale of Genji came in a few days ago, and I've started in. Oy! It's a big one! I'm trying to get my head around the lyrical nature of it - it's a very old book, and this is a translation. It has that slightly archiac lyricism that older compositions have, even in translation. But it's not as dry as a direct translation of the Ramayana can be.
- 50% - full credit
- 50% - guessing:
- 25% I knew
- 25% I guessed at
Assuming some of my guesses are right or right enough to get partial credit, it's at least a B. A B on the final still spells an A in the course.
I'm not actually worried. My project was rock solid. My other grades are fabulous. And I suspect that if I bombed bigtime, so did everyone else, and he'll have to rethink his grading system. :) No... not hubris, just fact.
Had a lovely champagne surprise from
new_man and an unexpected compliment about my dancing from my director. Yes, the two are the same person, but new_man-my-boyfiend, and Scratch-my-director might as well be two different people. Our relationship works better when I think of them that way - getting critique on wiggling your butt, and shaking your ta-tas from your boyfriend is hard to take. But getting it from your Burlesque troop director is entirely appropriate and should be encouraged and expected. I'm not sure which tasted better - the champagne or the compliment. It's funny how a simple little thing can make all the difference.
And it was damn good champagne, too!
Anyway, I got a compliment from Scratch and was touched. I don't often hear the compliments - whether or not they are present, I think we are both more focused on what needs improvement, as that's where the energy needs to go. He seemed surprised I was so touched, but the truth is that it's one thing to have the ego to go out there and be as cute as a button while happily shedding clothing. It's another thing to have your director give you a compliment.
Hopefully the two things - self-esteem, and knowledge of self-worth to others - will build each other up in a postive spiral, but they don't supplant one another. Self-confidence is a hard quest, and one that a person has to find on their own. No matter how many compliments you get, if you don't like yourself, it won't matter. And many times, an artist only gets better when she is her own harshest critic. So it's a strange balancing act between having the ego to go out there and strut your stuff, and the lack of ego to take direction and constantly strive for improvement. No wonder people usually err on one side or the other.
Reminds me of the dicussions on good performance arts going around - like "what makes a good dancer?" and "how do we encourage good performance in the SCA?" - while there's things we can look at from the outside in how we judge and encourage other performers, there's an internal mindset that all the external stimulus in the world will not necessarily achieve. That dreadful balance of self-esteem. I takes a Yoda-like Zen master to really get someone there, IMO.
With a lovely evening behind me, I got up this morning to practice. Oy. This would be the "lack of ego & willingness to strive for improvement" part of the day. :) If practice is all about sucking in private to avoid sucking in public, then I definitely fulfilled my mission.
It's a good think Aparna just postponed to the weekend. It gives me a few days to beat my peices back into shape. I was making really stupid mistakes on Pushpanjali and my current abhinaya peice was on a tape in my car. And my memorization of that has continued to be exceedinly weak. I finished the Pushpanjali not only out of breath, but with that burning gasping that really hurts. I know some of it is the cold and snow we have here in Boston. But some of it is being out of practice, the room was plenty warm.
Moved on to Baby Dolls practice, as the gig comes on Thursday. I think my clothing for Let it Snow has conspired to drive me mad. Each run had a problem with a different peice of clothing, making me late for the ending. Ending with just one glove on is no good. Must practice over and over to get used to the new cot, clothing, blanket and everything. Grrr...
Comparatively, Frosty went better. Still need to fix up the bikini top, but mostly the right stuff happened at the right time. Current goal - do it all with that happy, but slightly mindless "I'm having the bestest time, ever!" face on. Yeah... considering that I just finished writing a fake operating system, you may find it ridiculous that I am cultivating an expression this vapid. But for the background dance sets, I don't want to be so expressive that I detract from the soloist at the time. For my own solos, the facial expression naturally changes to something a bit more personable. I just need to make sure that my default face is not my thinky face.
Dance tonight with Ms. Jezebel! Whee! Aparna on Friday or Saturday. Hair cut on Saturday! Wednesday is King Kong.
I know it has only been 4 months since my last school break, but this is different. The idea that I'm not ditching out on school and homework to go have fun, or do a performance is SO COOL. It was downright decadent to fill the backpack with a fun-reading book, a sash for dance class, a notebook of dance moves, and a tape for recording Aparna. No textbook, no blank notebook for making notes. Today I will eat lunch and read my book and not feel the slightest bit guiltly for reading a fun book, instead of a homework book.
And the Amazon.com order came in! Rachel Brice dance & yoga, gnostic philosophy and Japanses fiction - here I come! Tale of Genji came in a few days ago, and I've started in. Oy! It's a big one! I'm trying to get my head around the lyrical nature of it - it's a very old book, and this is a translation. It has that slightly archiac lyricism that older compositions have, even in translation. But it's not as dry as a direct translation of the Ramayana can be.
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Date: 2005-12-13 04:34 pm (UTC)*flourishes a virtual bouquet of sushi, chocolate, potatoes, and beef*
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Date: 2005-12-14 11:53 am (UTC)Congrats!!!!!